Caravan - In the closet
TulcaLive Galway 25-11-06

Welcome to Caravan (in the closet) performance

You can choose the Performance
I will talk to you from inside the wardrobe,
You have a choice of three pieces
I can read you a love letter
I can give you instructions for moving
I can tell you a secret childhood story

Secrets in the closet (are speaking and being heard now)
This is an act of intimacy and distance
There are voices and lights shining from internal places

3 Love Letters

1. My Love
All pain balanced out by pleasure an empty year is now a pattern for the full we become what we are born to be I have transformed my being
I am a witness to myself that my body was empty before you that my search was avid that the earnest hunger left open a track where rupture entered and penetrated to take hold
to hold the self in custody against my divided will.
The muscle of one will withered and shrank back to the internal space to begin a seed a second growth
At one time I stumbled from this place reconstituted being re-arranged
I bring back now the emblems of division and a will restored
You know now because my eyes are changed, I have washed my eyes in the water of my body
wash your eyes unsightly grace has taken place and you have seen it
If something happens I can't endure I remember the event will finish but only after it has finished with me
all silences have meaning
and I am in the stretch marks between the silences

2. My Love
I am finding myself again in this dream crossing the road to enter the building from the rear crossing a road of water
waiting to meet myself walking with you in the grip of ardent worship
the road to this building was a river of water to quench the fire
my body was enflamed and burnt by you
Walking through these corridors I feel your presence in existence I remain breathless and trembling from the unbearable beauty of your difference and through this anguish
I lost myself, I found myself
I have seen through to the inside of my own body
there are wounds I wear as relics there are openings still raw and fluid
something is seeping out and is vivid
because of the knowledge of loss possession is so compelling
life is so sweet because of ending
I am a witness to myself that my body was empty before you that my seeking was
hungry,
forget everything that has appeared before this time, speaking my body
(bringing to refinement)
I am writing myself, my body must be heard

3. My Love
The untouchable beauty of your difference pulled me like the passing of years every moment that has passed me by and that I have shared with you, because of the knowledge of loss possession is so gripping
I tore my clothes away hanging on threads of being, when I saw your beauty I felt it as truth and what's true opens…bitter beauty to follow
So I was lighter in anguish I would have abandoned myself for you
I did
we have become what we were born to be
I have transformed fully into myself
inner conditions are now moulded onto my face forever the textures of my skin
and muscles expose undercurrents the thoughts that have roused action
are vivid on the surface and in the gestures of my body
I am writing your body I listen for the sound of your voice speaking my name like
a touch
I sit with all my clothes unfastened facing this moment
a moment in the world's life passes To speak it in its' reality and forget everything
for that, forget everything that has happened before this time
everything has folded back upon itself
the sequence of years fold back with perfect symmetry
all pain balanced out by pleasure

A story from Childhood
Exerpts from my handwritten Autobiography Book – (only available in hardback)

Instructions for Moving
To find a direction for moving (and travelling) home in a caravan
Please adjust your seats to the upright & decent position
Fasten your seatbelts
if you feel unfixed, insecure
if you are not sure who you are
and why you're here & where you're going
In the event of a loss of cabin pressure in the caravan
Masks will drop from the overhead panel
if you feel a loss of certainty
if you leave the ground and destabilize
Place over the head and face
Secure strap, pull mask towards you to release the flow of oxygen
Breathe normally if you feel breathless
excited with a dry mouth & heart beating wildly

be sure to secure your own mask before attending to children and others
be sure to secure your own life
before the lives of others depending on you

This is the life vest
for your life if it is submerged & hopeless, suffocating
This is the life vest
put your head through the opening
Secure the straps around your waist
when you need to float and be released

To inflate the life vest
Pull on the toggles
If necessary more air can be added by blowing into the tube
to attain the necessary buoyancy of being

In the event of the caravan landing on water, try to be fluid
The caravan will be illuminated
Remove excess, loose clothing, onerous baggage

Follow the emergency lights (from inside the closet)
In the event of evacuation
The mind will be illuminated
In the event of collision
Brace your soul forward
See the experience of your life pass before you
And see if you acted from love